Day 4 - The Diet

Today, it is all about that nasty four letter word...diet.  Obviously, when you are 59 pounds overweight, diet should be the most important word in your vocabulary, if not the most dreaded.  So today, I'm taking a deeper look at what I eat.  Based on my in depth analysis, I should either be living in Mexico or I should be melting.  I can't help it...I love mexican food, and my sweet of choice is ice cream.  Needless to say this needs to change.

Starting today, I'm doing a partial gluten free diet.  Going gluten free does not guarentee weight loss as you can still have ice cream, corn chips, etc., but it does make you get creative with fruits, vegetables, and protein (by the way gluten-free pasta doesn't taste bad at all).  I need more of all three of these in my diet.  Also, I'm going to start drinking water.  For some reason this is one of the hardest changes to make in my diet.  I love my Diet Rite!!!  I'm also going to start drinking Green Tea.  So, that is my diet plan.

I must admit, part of my problem with dieting and exercise, is that it won't work.  As most of you know, I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), and it makes losing weight difficult.  I fear that even if I exercise and eat right, the weight will not come off.  I realize that this is an irrational fear, but none the less, it is there.  In the past, when I attempted to lose weight and didn't, I then gained 5 to 10 pounds more because I would get depressed.  Today, however, is a new day!  Negativity cannot be a part of my vocabulary if I want to reach my goals.  Wish me luck! 

Day 3 - I hate exercise!

Exercise...seriously, who needs it?  Apparently, I do if I really want to lose weight, but I hate it.  Not because it's hard or because I'm lazy (there is a little bit of truth to both though), but because I'm so uncoordinated.  Seriously, it is bad enough that every workout video shows a size 2 woman sweating, smiling, and saying what a great workout...but they can do every move with ease.  I'm waiting for the video that shows all of the people out of sync, not in step with the music, and can't handle the footwork.  That is when I will believe that there is a workout out there based on real people.  I'm thinking of doing my own workout video...Cardio Sculpt for the Uncoordinated.  I'm sure there is a huge market for this type of workout.  I could be the uncoordinated Richard Simmons...but heavier, with long curly hair (not an afro), a deeper voice, and less annoying. :)  I think I have found my calling!

In all honesty, I realize I need to spend more time moving.  The one workout I don't mind is walking.  Let's face it, this is a workout that doesn't take coordination.  However, with the snow on the ground, it doesn't look like it is going to happen.  So, I'm challenging myself to workout at least 3 times a week or more.  I'm going to start doing the walk at home videos (1-2 miles/day) with Sunday as a day of rest.  Hopefully, this will help make the pounds melt off. 

By the way, I'll keep you posted on when my line of exercise videos for the uncoordinated, and my Exercise Footwork for Dummies videos become available.  Have a good one!

Day Two-A Whole New You

You know, I was worried when I came up with the idea to start blogging about my life changing journey that I would feel that my creativity would be stifiled.  I mean, family and friends would be reading all of the good, bad, and ugly (no comments please).  What if I start to edit myself and only tell the good things?  But as you can see from my day two title, I'm as creative as ever.  :)

Seriously, how does one go about changing themselves when they don't know what is wrong?  I mean I knew my weight was an issue, but what is it about me that makes people call when they need something but never just to talk or why aren't guys interested in me?  So, a couple of weeks ago, I asked some people what they thought my faults were (my mother included), and I was surprised by the answers.  Let's face it, I knew that my weight was an issue (at least in my mind).  Even if people think you look good at the weight you are, if you don't feel comfortable in your own clothes (or skin for that matter) it does come across in your personality.  However, I wanted more information.  Where is a good gay friend when you need him? :)  The one that tells you if you wear a certain outfit one more time they will put you on the TV show What Not to Wear.  So, I was hoping to find that same brutal honesty from the people I love and respect the most...my family and friends.

I was amazed!  The traits that I saw as a positive some saw as a negative.  I was so sure that the overall complaint was that I talked too much (I still think that is an issue that no one wanted to mention).  Overall, the consensus was that I was too nice.  I try to make everyone's lives so easy, and those people feel guility taking what is so freely offered.  It drives them nuts (and it is not a good trait to have in a relationship)!  Also, I ask too many questions.  This one I can totally see.  I realize that I ask questions not necessarily because I don't know the answer, but because I want to do things right the first time or because it is sometimes the only conversation starter I can think off.  They also mentioned how I dress.  I love my sweats, my ponytails, and my make-up free days...but I'm SINGLE.  First impressions are key, and you never know where you will meet someone.

So I must thank everyone for their honesty.  It was hard to hear, but exactly what I needed to hear.  Note to self, when asking people what they don't like about you, also find out what they do like. :)  Seriously, this was a great first step!  I'm going to try to talk less which curbs the impulse to ask questions.  I'm also going to try not to volunteer my time to family and friends as much...I'll let them ask.  Finally, I will start to dress nicer.  Not necessarily to catch a man (that is a bonus), but so that I can start feeling good about me.  Let's face it...the key to a whole new you is being able to accept yourself regardless of what others think of you.

Thank you everyone that has called or written!  While I'm traveling this journey alone, it is nice to know that I have a road crew willing to travel with me.

Day 1

Welcome to the Battle Within in 2010. A blog for people that are trying to change their lives. Let's face it, all of us have something about ourselves that we want to change. Whether it is something small like hair color or something big like weight loss, we all need to take a first step toward that elusive change. So this year I took a sport's analogy to heart...Go big or go home. So I decided to go big! I'm a 32-year-old female that is overweight, single and ready to do something about it.

As you can see, I'm a procrastinator. Most people start the New Year's Resolution January 1st, but I'm not most people. I wanted to really think about what I wanted to do this year, so I decided to improve myself. Hence the title, The Battle Within in 2010. I'm going to change myself from the inside out. My goal by December 31, 2010 is to have lost 61 pounds and attempt to find love. I hope that by writing about my journey, I'll be more apt to stick to my goals. I'm new to blogging so bear with me throughout this process as I begin my journey.

As of today, I weigh 194 pounds. A lot, I know! Amazingly, because I'm proportionate I look like I weigh 170. Some see this as a blessing, but I see it as a curse. Because I gain weight everywhere, I can't tell when I gain and when I lose. Then I get upset and grab the ice cream, and the pounds just add up. My clothes don't fit well, and let's face it...there are not many flattering clothes for plus size people. So I live in sweats, workout suits, and whatever feels comfortable. I know what your thinking...what guy could resist that? Did I mention I'm single? :)

So today is a new day! Step one...throw out the ice cream (in other words start eating healthy), step two...start dressing a little nicer (in clothes that are comfortable but not necessarily found in a sweaty gym), and step three...learn to like/love myself for the person I am and hopefully the rest will follow.

To all of you that have the same hopes and dreams of making a change, good luck!!! We can do this!!!